Early Saturday morning I felt like my entire body was revolting against the thought of heading out for my weekly Tai Chi practice. I had no particular reason for not going; just some minor body aches, a result of working out a little too aggressively a couple of days prior, a busy work schedule that backlogged onto the weekend, and other such mundane excuses, but nothing of real substance. Yet, I just didn’t feel like being bothered with the practice, so much so that I considered texting my practice buddies and let them know I can’t make it. It is not like the practice would have not taken place without me; the others will still meet as usual. I contemplated what reasons to give my friends for not showing up, but then again, I didn’t really need to explain myself; this is not an official training session, it’s just a bunch of guys who meet regularly to advance our skills. I also knew that if I will saddle up and head out, ultimately, I would likely enjoy it and be glad I went. Yet the urge to skip the training was so immense, it crashed me down.
Fighting my resistance to go – it practically felt like pulling away against a giant rubber band that was holding me back, I managed to collect my training gear and headed out. I told myself that I made a commitment – not to the others as much as to myself, and that I am going to keep that commitment, even if I will drive to the park where we meet, do the Tai Chi form with the others for just a couple of times, and then excuse myself and leave early.
At the start of the training, I must admit, I wasn’t entirely in the moment. My mind was wondering and still resisting being there. But as the practice proceeded, the struggle subsided and, sure enough, I thoroughly enjoyed both the company of my weekend warriors as well as the training.
Will my temptation to skip practice will be any less next time around? Maybe, but maybe not. It is not the first time I am going through such inner debate and likely not the last time I will tell myself afterwards, “you see? If you wouldn’t have dragged your butt out the house and joined the training, you would not have had a chance to learn and develop.” Still, on the days I feel like evading what I know I should be doing, the mind keeps coming up with excuses, old and new. The only weapon available at my disposal is resilience and the knowledge that it is nothing but a mind game, but one worth overcoming.
Learned from: a difficult morning ahead of practice