It is a curious thing. When we meet someone new, whether under social, business, romantic, or other circumstances, and we take to liking that person, as the relationship builds and grows, we often glorify that person in our mind as well as in front of others. Maybe it is a teacher we came to admire, a motivational speaker, a shrewd businessman, a community leader, a new friend, or a lover. We assign them with incredible qualities and virtues, merits that are usually way beyond human capacity. I for one, am certainly guilty of acting this way every so often.
Yet, what happens when such a relationship comes to an end on poor terms? I find that we tend to go from glorifying that person, directly into demonizing them. Suddenly, all of those amazing virtues are gone, and instead, we see only their darkness.
Most people are neither angels nor demons. We are all human beings, struggling in one way or another, to find our way through this wondrous maze called life. Every so often, we make poor judgement and end up hurting ourselves and others. To not realize this about ourselves, is to be blinded by our own darkness. It is the darkness that we are not always willing to look at, thus we project it onto others.
As mentioned, I am no different. I can get excited about someone I recently met and developed a relationship with, and if the connection ends up on bad terms, my mind is quick to find every possible fault with the other person. This is how I acted in the past, only now I am calling myself on this trait. As an example, when I tell myself that the other person is selfish and full of himself, I immediately follow up with the question – where am I being selfish and full of myself, and not willing to look at it? Every fault I find with the other person is something I wish to honestly look at within myself. Thus, I am using a situation that I would consider negative – of being critical of the other, as a tool for my own self-growth and transformation. I hope that one day I will be tempted to demonize no more. Until then, I have my work cut out for me.